the Power of the Popular (or Post-Modern) Poz Paradigm


You must believe me despite what you think: i am not judging, but am not going to infect you, either. HIV meds aren't cheap, even with health coverage. Not to mention how often they don't work or stop working.

OK, wait. Actually, I lied. I judge. Everyone does. Constantly. It is what separates humans from all other creatures. Judgment. Free will. It's good stuff, not bad, not negative. Judgment isn't the same as feeling guilt or shame.

Read on. Mind, open, just for a bit, OK?

Wasted viagra? What is this blog all about anyway?

This is my blog which is a record of some of the more outrageous postings I have seen on the Craigslist Personals\M4M section, where guys who are supposedly HIV-negative are looking for bareback tops who are also supposedly HIV-negative.

When I read one of these ads (and there are many, every day, in every small and large city in the country), and feel particularly incensed, and think that I might be able to reach that person in some small way by telling them my experiences with how that has worked out for so many people doing what they are doing, then I go ahead and write them, and post their original ad, as well as my email to them, to my blog. It makes me feel better about seeing all those ads, at least trying to get them to stop the insanity, or, at least, admit to them that I don't know their situation, that maybe their ability to at least specify that they want an HIV-negative partner is already a big step for them, that for some people they actually have taken much time and thought a lot about how they are going to approach sex and dating and for some of them, it is an acceptable risk to play, even bareback, with people who at least are declaring themselves HIV-negative.

Some of these people do realize that it is akin Russian Roulette with varying odds. Some of them think that at least they are upping their odds by "only barebacking" with guys who at least identify as HIV-negative. I don't know if the statistic is still correct of 50% of the HIV-infected population in the US being unaware, but if that is the case, the odds still aren't great for these guys. It is very very risky and a very effective way to become infected with HIV, this whole "UB2" world.

I can't say that I know anything about it, either, and I admit that to them, because I have been HIV+ for longer than I was HIV-. Born 1964, infected 1983, you do the math. :-)

L'auteur, c'est moi

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Palm Springs, CA, United States
You must believe me despite what you think: i am not judging, but am not going to infect you, either. HIV meds aren't cheap, even with health coverage. Not to mention how often they don't work or stop working. OK, wait. Actually, I lied. I judge. Everyone does. Constantly. It is what separates humans from all other creatures. Judgment. Free will. It's good stuff, not bad, not negative. Judgment isn't the same as feeling guilt or shame. Read on. Mind, open, just for a bit, OK?

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Open Letter to HIV-negative Guys Who Bareback

All righty, then. I assume by your non-reply that you aren't very comfortable with whatever decision you have made, if you have made any at all, about who you are going to let fuck you bb, how you are going to know if someone is HIV-negative or not, so, I'm just going to send you this information.

It's not meant to piss you off. I send you this with the best of intentions, for your continued health and welfare. If you choose to see it differently, please keep that to yourself, however, if you would like to ask me any questions, or comment, or whatever, that's great.

Thanks,


*******

Just curious how long you think it's going to last, this practice of yours to have casual sex, as a bottom, while partying, -- hey, what you do is not my business, and I am not saying it is my business, not by a long shot. But don't pretend that just because you requested in your ad that all cummers be HIV-negative, means that they are HIV-negative. Some might be. Some might have been at the time of their most recent HIV-test, whenever that was. Some just outright lie. You have to know that those people are out there, and some do lie about their status out of malice, out of contempt and hatred for humanity. Others lie a more innocent lie, out of shame, or fear, or any number of psychological complexes and neuroses that only matter in that they can wind up getting your ass full of the Human Immunodeficiency Virus... a virus which I urge you not to invite into your life.

So, how long do you believe you can play this Russian roulette without getting a bullet between the eyes? Six months? A Year? Two weeks?

You don't need to answer to me, obviously, but having lived with HIV for 24 years (I'm only 42, you do the math) one thing I don't pretend is to understand what it's like to be HIV-negative in a world of poz guys barebacking, the mystique, I know, is compelling. But then, taking meds every day forever is compelling, too. So are quarterly trips to the doctor's office for blood draws. And the dread that the meds will stop working, that I'll die twenty years before my parents, 40 years before all of my friends.

So I know that your rationale for your night of fun is either because you are:
  1. Stupid and haven't thought about the likelihood that one of the "loads" is from someone who is either truthfully saying that he is HIV-negative, but that's only as of his most recent HIV-test, whenever that was. And if he's a guy who only barebacks with other HIV-negative guys, then I'm sure that's fine.

    Fourteen of my friends became HIV+ doing what you're doing, and that was just in 2004, from January to November.

  2. Already HIV+ and just do this for the thrill of seeing what guys will show up, actually hoping to have some sick fuck show up who you already know to be Positive. (I met a guy who was into that trip once, and still don't understand that particulary psychosis).

  3. Just assuming that it's just a matter of time til you get HIV, and you figure you can at least delay it by "requesting" that your loads be from NEG cocks. Good luck with that.

Cheers,

PS -- Hopefully it's obvious that I didn't go to the trouble of writing you to piss you off or ruin your night. If somehow you think about this, and decide to change your behaviour, or not, but at least think about what you are doing in a conscious way, then I'm happy. I have written guys in similiar circumstances and I know it has been helpful to them. For me, I can't in good conscience read a post such as yours and not take some action, so if you feel anger or bitterness towards me, I apologize, however, there is no mean spirited intent in my writing, only good, only joy. If you find you have questions, or want to write back, or talk sometime, that's cool, I'm open to that (i'm not some freak, just someone with a good mind and heart).

Take care,

Will
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