the Power of the Popular (or Post-Modern) Poz Paradigm


You must believe me despite what you think: i am not judging, but am not going to infect you, either. HIV meds aren't cheap, even with health coverage. Not to mention how often they don't work or stop working.

OK, wait. Actually, I lied. I judge. Everyone does. Constantly. It is what separates humans from all other creatures. Judgment. Free will. It's good stuff, not bad, not negative. Judgment isn't the same as feeling guilt or shame.

Read on. Mind, open, just for a bit, OK?

Wasted viagra? What is this blog all about anyway?

This is my blog which is a record of some of the more outrageous postings I have seen on the Craigslist Personals\M4M section, where guys who are supposedly HIV-negative are looking for bareback tops who are also supposedly HIV-negative.

When I read one of these ads (and there are many, every day, in every small and large city in the country), and feel particularly incensed, and think that I might be able to reach that person in some small way by telling them my experiences with how that has worked out for so many people doing what they are doing, then I go ahead and write them, and post their original ad, as well as my email to them, to my blog. It makes me feel better about seeing all those ads, at least trying to get them to stop the insanity, or, at least, admit to them that I don't know their situation, that maybe their ability to at least specify that they want an HIV-negative partner is already a big step for them, that for some people they actually have taken much time and thought a lot about how they are going to approach sex and dating and for some of them, it is an acceptable risk to play, even bareback, with people who at least are declaring themselves HIV-negative.

Some of these people do realize that it is akin Russian Roulette with varying odds. Some of them think that at least they are upping their odds by "only barebacking" with guys who at least identify as HIV-negative. I don't know if the statistic is still correct of 50% of the HIV-infected population in the US being unaware, but if that is the case, the odds still aren't great for these guys. It is very very risky and a very effective way to become infected with HIV, this whole "UB2" world.

I can't say that I know anything about it, either, and I admit that to them, because I have been HIV+ for longer than I was HIV-. Born 1964, infected 1983, you do the math. :-)

L'auteur, c'est moi

My photo
Palm Springs, CA, United States
You must believe me despite what you think: i am not judging, but am not going to infect you, either. HIV meds aren't cheap, even with health coverage. Not to mention how often they don't work or stop working. OK, wait. Actually, I lied. I judge. Everyone does. Constantly. It is what separates humans from all other creatures. Judgment. Free will. It's good stuff, not bad, not negative. Judgment isn't the same as feeling guilt or shame. Read on. Mind, open, just for a bit, OK?

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Hey, dude,

Sorry, I know this is a lot to read, especially since I am not writing to say I want to fuck you and dominate you (which, actually, I'd love to do, but I'm HIV+ and am not a liar -- like so many other people who either lie deliberately cuz they want to fuck so bad, and maybe they want to infect others so badly too, that they lie, or they lie without knowing it, if they have become poz only since their last test and don't know it yet.)

I am writing because I give a shit whether or not you get HIV, at least enough to write you, so please, whatever your reaction is, don't be angry with me -- I only have your welfare and health in mind. If I were a more selfish top, and knew how to keep my thoughts to myself, I wouldn't say anything at all... time would pass... I could just wait for you to get the bug, and then fuck you bareback when the last line of your ads read "be 420 friendly" and you just don't feel like typing the "be hiv neg" anymore, cuz it don't matter.

Just curious how long you think it's going to last, and by "it", I mean your being able to have casual sex, as a bottom, maybe while high on something, partying, and having guys fuck you bareback, and being able to continue saying that you are HIV-negative.

********************************

Neg for bb?

you KNOW how ridiculous that is, right?

"Oh yeah, I'm neg, I want to fuck you bb."

(hot fuck ensues... big hot load of cum up your hot ass. . . )

etc etc etc.

Then, 2 weeks later: "Oh, hey, dude, remember me? We fucked a couple weeks ago. I just tested poz the other day, sorry!")

******

I wasn't going to even mention the other entirely possible outcome, which is that some twisted disgusting and truly evil-minded guy will lie to guys about their status, to purposely infect them, and count those new infections as some sick notch on their belt of horrors. I've talked to guys who say they are into doing that, and they are deadly serious about the fact that they have done it, and do it, and get off on it. I wasn't going to mention it because it seems too horrific to be true, but in truth, it is too diabolical and too common to leave out. But hey, if you choose to trust a complete stranger's word about something so minor as HIV, well, you have every right to make that choice, but if you have read this, you will no longer be naive about the kinds of people out there going around promising up and down that they've got clean sperm.

******

I *know* it's none of my business what you do. Also, I have absolutely no idea what it is like to be HIV-negative. I got HIV in 1983, when I was 19 years old. Safe sex did not exist. So it was a different world, and I cannot imagine what it must be like to be, and to try to remain, HIV-negative. So I don't pretend to know what it is like, and I don't judge you. But I read a message like yours and I think of the guys who have gotten HIV by only fucking bareback with other "neg" guys. It Happens so often I could cry. In the year 2005 alone, fourteen of my friends became HIV+ by practicing the method of prevention you are using.

Hey, maybe you know what you are doing, and are accepting the risk that you are taking. But in case you didn't know, I'm writing to inform you. Make your own decision, obviously... you are a grown-up and have to live with whatever choices you make.

HIV is no picnic, though. Sure, I've had it more than 23 years, and have never been sick and look and feel perfectly healthy. But that's not the case for many many (millions) of people who are sick and who are now dead.

Write me back, or not, as you wish, but please don't write me some angry tirade about minding my own business. If i didn't feel so strongly about preventing guys from getting HIV in the first place, I wouldn't write you at all. So, I hope you will take this in the well-intentioned spirit it was written.
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)